Why do we need sleep? Is there something that’ll keep me awake throughout the night, and yet I’ll still be energetic enough for a day’s work later? These couple of years, been feeling that I’ve wasted so much so much time. The only way to get it all back seems to be to sleep less, it seems that I don’t have enough time on my hands anymore, there’s just so much to do and achieve in so little time. I’ll be 32 soon, and I’m dreading that. But what I’m dreading even more, is that 40 is looming in the near distance, waiting just around the corner to pounce on me.
Why, why, why? why am i like this? I’ve asked myself before, why can’t i just act my age, and not hang around with a bunch of kids 10 years younger? why do i have to love music and bands that belong to a younger generation? Why don’t i just be some old fuddy-duddy where the only thing that matters to me is money and family? Why? If I acted my age, maybe I wouldn’t dread it so much, I’d just accept that I’m slowly walking towards middle-age.
But I just don’t want it all to end like that. I’ve wasted enough time, I just need to find more time to do what I wanna do. I wanna compose a song, learn how to play bass properly, maybe even jam with a band at least once, meet Wubai, learn to drive, lose some weight, get a job i really love, to write, visit Taiwan, meet Mayday, go back to Hong Kong, buy a house in New Zealand to retire in, shop in Paris, go to England, fall in love, make love, fall out of love, get rich, be rich, open a pub, climb a montain, go wherever I want, be healthy, be whatever, whatever I’ve always wanted to be. Why can’t I remember my dreams anymore? Have I really become the adult I never wanted to be?