Listening to: 五月之戀
3 short weeks where i either haven’t felt like posting, or I didn’t make the time to, or I wasn’t left alone to write in peace. It hasn’t been such a great time, especially after we received the news about Yingshan’s sister. Yingshi left on 9th October, after being in ICU for 8 days after her accident on 1st October. 1st October, Children’s day, 5 days after I returned from my 1st BKK shopping trip, my company had a BBQ at West Coast Park and I was exchanging funny SMSes with Yingshan coz she was planning to be in Taiwan and wanted us to be there with her. After several SMSes, i told her I’d talk to her later.
A few hours later, I received a SMS from her asking her to pray for her sis, who’d fallen off her bike and was in hospital. It was an agonizing 8 days, during which we waited for news from Yingshan about her sis. She was on MSN nightly, but I didn’t like to disturb her. She asked us to pray for her sis, but who do you pray to when you don’t really believe in any particular religon? Reading her blog was heart-break, i doubt if there is anybody who can read it and still not drop some tears for her.
Yinghan has always, to me, been a very strong, straightforward and jolly person, her emotions are shown very quickly on her face and just as quickly go away, and yet there’s always a few sides of people that we never see, that they never show to us. Her blog was just that, the side of her that I’d never seen. It made me remember a comment I made on Lucid Myth about how it was easier to write than talk about how i feel etc, and she had agreed with me on that point. Perhaps that’s just what it was.
When i received the new from Fiona that Yingshan’s sis had left, i was with doudou at Euphoria ’04, 9th Oct, Saturday night. We had just been talking earlier about how we dreaded receiving that particular SMS, if it ever happened.
On Monday we went to the wake . Yinghsan seemed tired, and she had lost a lot of weight, but she was much her usual self. We stayed till 1am, even going upstairs to play with Ayu her dog before we left. We didn’t say anything much, just talked about our usual stuff, and her dog and her sis’s photo collection.
But sometimes, how do we know what’s best to be said and what’s to be left unsaid? Perhaps because I was brought up in an environment where emotions are better left inside then outside, I have never known what to say in situations like this. Right now, all my love and my best to Yingshan and her family, for them to be strong and to take care of each other.