Mafians suddenly all very 感性, talking about escaping to other worlds or living our own lives. Then again, we’ve earned the right to be 感性. We’ve paid our dues. We’ve paid with a little blood, tons of sweat (replaced again with tons of 100Plus) and quite a bit of tears along the way. We’ve paid with 4-6 years of our lives. We’ve paid up hours and days of our time at a stretch. We’ve paid up with loads of cab-fare. And we’ve paid up heart-loads of love and emotion along the way. I know I definitely did, although many might think not.
Eight months ago, I wanted to stop, and if it meant sacrificing the friendship, I thought ‘so be it’. As long as they wanted to tread the path towards boy-band-ism, I couldn’t and wouldn’t follow. Those were my principles. Along the way, during these eight months, I realised no matter how strong my principles were, I couldn’t give up the mafia. The mayday mafia, along the way, somehow, I don’t know when, had become, just, the mafia. From a bunch of fans, we became a bunch of friends. It wasn’t us and them anymore. It was just us. It didn’t matter whether it was 9 or 9 + 5. Eight months down this road, I realise that. Us, we are the important ones. We talk too much, laugh too loud, drink not nearly enough, eat too little (^__^), spend too much, sing too loud, take up too much space, sleep too little, cry a little bit (some of us too much), and we love music too much, to give it all up.
Have I given them up? I really haven’t decided yet. I thought I hated a few of them, I know I love a couple of them. After 0910, I just feel sorry for all of them. You can see it in their eyes and their faces. My poor 石頭 has lost the sparkle in his eyes and his friendly chubby-cheeked grin. All I saw was du-lan-ness and ‘canIgetthefuckoutofhere??!!’. I’ve told myself before, ‘if they turn back, so will I’. But there is no turning back. We’re all moving forward, towards our own destinations. My path has once again turned, not joining theirs again, but I’ll turn into it, if and when I want to. All that matters is, the mafia are there.
人一踏進黑社會﹐ 就永遠逃不出來。 金盆洗手﹖﹖ wait long long!!